This is something I’ve seen first hand as a child, player, coach and parent.

The best players are not always picked in the first eleven.

The best players are not always selected to represent their State.

The best players are overlooked by scouts or not given trials to some of the bigger clubs.

How could this be?

The players that do get picked aren’t necessarily the ones who spend all their time training in an organized team environment.

The players that get picked are the ones that often play in the park, play in the backyard or play in the street with their friends. They play without the constant avalanche of instructions from their coach or their parents. They play with freedom, with friends and the sound of laughter signifies the lack of supervision.

Playing without supervision allows these children to play without judgment, without fear and the freedom to play without second guessing every movement. Informal settings or “organized chaos” as I like to call it, allows young children to excel by becoming quicker on their feet, improve coordination and increase levels of exuberance by competing for bragging rights amongst the gang.

Young kids that play consistently in a structured environment or a professional team environment are less exuberant and experience burn out and a very young age. Also their intensity and effort tends to suffer as they become self conscious of making mistakes and trying to please all the watchful eyes.

Don’t get me wrong here; structured training sessions are important for learning and development. However, as parents it’s our job to strike a delicate balance between structured training and organized chaos.

Young players need training and guidance from experienced coaches to master new skills but they also need the enthusiasm, freedom and passion that comes from having fun with their friends.

Think about it.

If your child is enthusiastic, passionate and having fun, he or she is more likely to play freely, creatively whilst taking measured risks. They will stand out like a sore thumb and usually get picked by scouts or selected for their State.

Young players that are burnt out or have had the life sucked out of them through continuous structured training often go through the motions and are less likely to stand out when its crunch time.

The Solution

“Organise Chaos”

Soccer parents should get together and round up all the kids in the neighborhood and organize a weekly match at the local park. Once the game is organized the parents must step back and watch the chaos unfold.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars”

A better question might be, where does the love of sport-any sport- come from?

Does it begin at training or during a match? Does it come from the glitz and glam of television or attending packed stadiums?

I’d answer a definite NO to all of the above.

The love of soccer starts (wait for it) in the backyard or better known as the field of dreams with YOU, mum and dad. Where anything is possible and where the biggest dreams are dreamt.

The beauty of the backyard is this, with time, everybody joins in. Eventually friends join in, neighbours join and if you have a dog, the dog joins in.

Good Times.

A quick story if I may.

2 boys aged 4 and 6, if you asked them, 4-1/2 and 6-1/2. Interest in soccer on a scale of 1 to 10, 4

Interest in Wii, Star Wars leggo to be exact, 9.

Tough battle.

Enter the backyard.

Enter some fun, small sided games and soccer all of a sudden becomes fun and interesting.

When work allows and the boys aren’t in their pajamas already, the backyard comes alive.

David versus Goliath, okay, 2 little boys versus me.

We play on synthetic grass that remains a lush green colour all year around. Gives even Wembely a run for its money. The boys protect a small goal while I try and defend a goal the length of the backyard. Makes for some interesting score lines with the current edge going to the boys.

Fun, laughter and quality time spent together has evolved in the boys attending Soccer clinics and Football (AFL) clinics every Saturday morning, back to back. That’s right, 9.30am Football followed by an hour of Soccer 10.30am. This is coming from two young boys who spent their time playing Wii on the weekends and had very little interest in sports.

For those with little ones, start in the backyard and let the love for the game evolve. Make it fun, make it easy to begin with and let them develop with a smile.

Fast forward a year and now the boys look forward to the Saturday clinics. Not only that, on most nights, they eagerly wait by the door for my return from work pulling at my trousers.

“Let’s play soccer!”

“Let’s play football!”

What really excites me is when they trash talk and work together as a team. All of a sudden, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader can hear laughter and carry on from the backyard and wonder what happened to those little boys that were glued to the television.

Conclusion

The backyard is where your children will fall in love with soccer. Make it fun; make it progressively harder and the skies the limit.

After several failed attempts to get the boys to attend clinics, they are now snapping at my heels to play and proudly wear their Collingwood jumper followed by the mighty Liverpool jersey.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

There you are, scratching your head, hoping for the answer to magically appear, but it never does. Somewhere inside your child is the answer that you’ll need to figure out.

Some people might frown and label you “pushy” or too demanding. Your child is already doing well but lacks the discipline and motivation to take it to the next level. Several parents have given glowing feedback and definitely see potential. But you shrug this off and consider the word “potential” to simply mean, “Haven’t made it yet”.

Discipline= Resistance+1

A couple of days ago, I came across a show that involved troublesome teens given new parents, a parent swap if you like. The initial days went according to plan with the teens running the show with foul language, alcohol and a lack of respect. The Americans that took on these Aussies certainly had their hands full, at times, struggling to come to grips with their behavior and their resistance to work. But to their credit, they persisted and matched the teen’s resistance with resistance+1.

Cut a long story short.

The new parents didn’t back down and continued to apply discipline when required. They introduced routine, responsibility and accountability. The teens had several melt downs to start with and certainly missed the freedom that they had once taken for granted. But with time, discipline, respect and love the teens evolved into caring little adults. Adults that started to miss their families and started to care for their new foster family. What they once took for granted and loathed now became the missing piece to the puzzle.

You sigh again and get off the couch and make your way to bed.

Soccer just like any other sport has the dreaded plateau. I like to refer to it as “Death Valley”.

Anyone Can play the Game, right?

If you train hard and discipline yourself you may even taste success. But at some point during your career, the development and gains start to diminish and you become stale. This my friends is Death Valley where thousands if not millions get lost each year. They give up before they get to harvest what they had sowed for so many years. They give up just before the finish line.

As you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, you remember the mad dash to the hospital and the first time they placed your son in your hands. As the tear hits your pillow you decide that what ever your child wants, you will PROVIDE. If he wants support, you offer support+1. If he wants more training, you offer training +1. If he wants to try something new, you offer new+1.

You can hear something odd in the background. The alarm clock interrupts your sleep and you gather your thoughts. As you sit on the edge of your bed you remember Love Based Soccer.

It’s not a coincidence and it’s definitely not the matrix.

Could the missing piece to the puzzle be Love Based Soccer+1?

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

Are you in love with a child? Are you sure about this? Are you in love with a child that’s not yours, not genetically anyway?

A word to the wise for those that have given their hearts to the little men of this world, to the future stars of the game.

Youngsters are not normal. That sounds horrendous so let me paraphrase. Youngsters are full of energy, innocence and have not been conditioned by pecking orders, authority or anybody else pointing the finger.

Kids will fight tooth and nail for what they want. Their defiance is seen as a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia to most adults. My point is young children are a little crazy at times. They hear music that the rest of us don’t.

Have you ever tried to put a hyperactive four year old to bed? Have you tried to brush their teeth whilst trying to stop them from eating the toothpaste?

A young child wants what he wants, now. No doubt about it. But is this a bad thing? Demanding want you want makes perfect sense, don’t you think?

That’s why we must exercise patience. Youngsters are driven by forces they don’t understand and cannot control leaving us to walk the tight rope over a 1,000 frustrations and sighs.

Do we seek proximity to discipline and the need to control? Are we intoxicated by the power to produce robots with no emotions or character? Remember, wild horses will gallop, bulls will stampede and wolves will howl.

Kids will seek and destroy. Kids will fight authority. Kids will grit their teeth. Kids will punch the air in defiance and will never surrender. Makes you wonder why we stopped being kids. Have we surrendered to the status quo? Are we raising children that will inevitable add to the status quo?

Here’s a thought

Don’t look to change your child. Harness the mischief, the energy and direct it towards the soccer field. Harness the mo. For those that aren’t hip or tech savvy, mo is momentum.

Momentum is cumulative; it builds and increases with repetition. Instead of controlling your children let them run wild on the soccer pitch. Let them exhaust every ounce of energy they have and let them pursue soccer immortality.

Trying to control your child while watching the tube or drinking beer deserves the anarchy you’ll receive. It’s time for accountability, so grab your hats and wear them. A father, a friend, a coach, an anarchist and a plan to take over the world.

Start with passing, shooting, it doesn’t really matter, just START! Introduce the anarchist (your child) to sustained effort (training) and the soccer world awaits. Turn the beautiful game into a heroic challenge.

Your love and attention will create self-motivation and self-validation. Your child will direct his energy towards the game and will inevitable stop eating the toothpaste.

If we fast forward 10 years from now I can guarantee you “Mater Chef” is no more. Those fat food critics have become a suppressed memory that only surface through trauma or weird flashbacks.

The Year 2020

It’s 2020 and you’re 100 meters in the air. The smell of smoke irritates your nose but you don’t mind. The orange smoke clears and you remove your scarf from your face. As the 80,000 capacity sits down you catch a glimpse of your son looking at you as if to say, thank you for this life. A tear escapes your eye as you think of the hours you put into training and into the MO. The San Siro stadium is now your home.

Lightning Strikes

There’s usually a moment, isn’t there.

When something happens.

The lightning strikes and nothing is ever the same.

Well, this is you’re lightning bolt. Strip away your self doubt and self-delusions and kick the ball around with your child. I’m sure the fat food critics will be just fine without you.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”