For the little soccer warriors that are too young to read this, I beg you, the loving parent to pass on this message.

The carrot has definitely been dangled in front of the soccer community. Inflated pay packets and the media coverage is enough to send any parent around the bend.

What’s the catch?

Kids soccer has become organized chaos with young children as young as 5 running all over the place competing for ball time and their chance to shine in the spotlight. The coaches and wannabes try and harness this chaotic energy while the parents try frantically to control and restore some order.

How do they control chaotic energy? Unless you’re some crazy scientist, you cannot control chaos, especially when it’s organized.

Apart from the usual control methods like yelling, screaming and pointing the finger, parents are evolving into this money hungry beast that specializes in criticism.

Criticism is the act of passing severe judgment and fault finding.

What about constructive criticism? What about it?

For all you delusional parents out there listen up, CRITICISM is not love, far from it. To put it politely it’s a form of hatred. Criticism is uncomfortable and saddening and a guaranteed way of wiping that smile straight of your child’s face.

What?

You don’t like my criticism of you?

Well guess what?

I’m not going to sugar coat your behavior or your intentions to criticize. Criticism, judgment, agitations and constant pressure are exactly why so many young players quit the game.

Constructive my arse!

How do you feel when you get criticized? It could be criticism from your boss, coach, partner or anyone for that matter. Do you feel good about it? Do you embrace it? Even if the criticism is “constructive”, the words still haunt you and the feeling of self worth evaporates quicker than you can restore it.

Then let me ask you this,

If adults with all their experience and wisdom struggle with criticism, why are we subjecting young children to it? The Status Quo suggests that kids will quit the game before they become teenagers. So why are we criticizing these young fragile minds?

Time Out.

Instead of criticism and frustrations lets talk about love. Forget about soccer, contracts and everything else you’ve conjured up for your child.

Love is free and simple, yet so elusive.

Is it wrong to feel a certain way?

Why would it be wrong?

What would happen if you let your child feel a certain way?

How about starting and seeing where that takes your child. If you persist with criticism you become a part of the Status Quo and your child will inevitable become a part of the scrap heap.

Is it wrong to feel important?

What makes you feel important? What makes your child feel important?

Gather around the monitor and I’ll let you in on a little secret. Are you ready for this ground breaking news? Drum roll please.

Talking about what makes you feel important, well, makes you feel important. Try it with your child or players. Take control of your child’s dream and if needed, become selfish. Protect and preserve the love. Become grateful and enjoy the journey.

Being selfish to your child’s emotions should never make you feel guilty. A selfish craving of love is your divine calling, not criticism.

You have 2 choices as a parent.

Your child becomes another statistic and a part of the status quo or you try this new thing I’m talking about, a selfish craving of love.

Try it; your child will love you for it.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

It’s hard to tell you guys, the parents, how to interact with your children. After all their your children, right?

The methods most parents use to control their children are laughable, especially around the perimeters of a soccer field. Do you honestly believe screaming and yelling does not have a negative effect on your children?

Parents that are verbally aggressive will coach and direct their children during a soccer match. Some even try and control the whole ninety minutes of the game without taking a breath.

I’ve seen a lot of things during my time in soccer and there’s very little that phases me. But have you watched kids soccer lately? It just happened that I did today and I had to arch an eyebrow.

What a disgrace!

So what’s the definition of verbally aggressive?

Are you verbally aggressive?

Someone who is verbally aggressive is likely to insult others as a way to motivate them to comply or behave. Does that sound like you?

The aggressive behaviour does not necessarily have to involve hitting or yelling but the simplest of instructions during a game can have a significant negative impact.

Next time you’re watching kids soccer take note of all the aggressive mothers. Look at the way they direct their children and control the game.

Have any of these mothers had coaching experience? Have any of these mothers played the game?

Don’t get me wrong here, at times we all say things we regret. But Soccer is not a tool for abuse. Screaming and instructing only serves to attack your child’s self-confidence and esteem. The kids are playing soccer because it’s fun. Let them have fun.

Game time is not about you!

Have you ever noticed where you stand or sit while watching kids soccer?

Let me guess.

As close as possible to the chalked lines.

Close enough to yell instructions and to make your presence felt. Close enough that your child will hear every disappointed remark you make.

The icing on the cake and the reason for this rant comes from what I saw today. A young kid, possibly 6 years old comes running out onto the ground with truckloads of enthusiasm. He seems happy and loves chasing after the ball. He seems to be friends with everyone and has the confidence to talk to the other team. One would only assume that he doesn’t really know his opponents so this is a good sign.

The young kid seems to have good technique and seems to be running around with a smile. Fantastic, right?

But what happens next?

Anyone know?

What I just described to you was the warm up prior to the game. What happened next was the kick off and a change in atmosphere that would even startle a full time professional.

The same child that I described to you stopped running and stopped smiling. Every second of the game he continually looked to his parents to be advised. The ball would bounce a meter away from him and he wouldn’t chase it unless the parents instructed him to do so.

Are you serious?

What’s the objective of soccer?

Is it to chase the ball and to maintain possession while trying to score more goals than your opponent? Or is it to follow instructions from your parents?

If the parents always have to control the game it makes you wonder what the child is thinking. You wonder if this communicates to the child that what they want doesn’t really matter.

Let your kids play soccer for God’s sake.

Step back and watch from a distance.

Here’s a thought, next time you’re at a game cheer and let them know how proud you are of their efforts.

Enough said, don’t you think?