There you are, scratching your head, hoping for the answer to magically appear, but it never does. Somewhere inside your child is the answer that you’ll need to figure out.

Some people might frown and label you “pushy” or too demanding. Your child is already doing well but lacks the discipline and motivation to take it to the next level. Several parents have given glowing feedback and definitely see potential. But you shrug this off and consider the word “potential” to simply mean, “Haven’t made it yet”.

Discipline= Resistance+1

A couple of days ago, I came across a show that involved troublesome teens given new parents, a parent swap if you like. The initial days went according to plan with the teens running the show with foul language, alcohol and a lack of respect. The Americans that took on these Aussies certainly had their hands full, at times, struggling to come to grips with their behavior and their resistance to work. But to their credit, they persisted and matched the teen’s resistance with resistance+1.

Cut a long story short.

The new parents didn’t back down and continued to apply discipline when required. They introduced routine, responsibility and accountability. The teens had several melt downs to start with and certainly missed the freedom that they had once taken for granted. But with time, discipline, respect and love the teens evolved into caring little adults. Adults that started to miss their families and started to care for their new foster family. What they once took for granted and loathed now became the missing piece to the puzzle.

You sigh again and get off the couch and make your way to bed.

Soccer just like any other sport has the dreaded plateau. I like to refer to it as “Death Valley”.

Anyone Can play the Game, right?

If you train hard and discipline yourself you may even taste success. But at some point during your career, the development and gains start to diminish and you become stale. This my friends is Death Valley where thousands if not millions get lost each year. They give up before they get to harvest what they had sowed for so many years. They give up just before the finish line.

As you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, you remember the mad dash to the hospital and the first time they placed your son in your hands. As the tear hits your pillow you decide that what ever your child wants, you will PROVIDE. If he wants support, you offer support+1. If he wants more training, you offer training +1. If he wants to try something new, you offer new+1.

You can hear something odd in the background. The alarm clock interrupts your sleep and you gather your thoughts. As you sit on the edge of your bed you remember Love Based Soccer.

It’s not a coincidence and it’s definitely not the matrix.

Could the missing piece to the puzzle be Love Based Soccer+1?

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

So what’s the point?

For all those youngsters out there, for all those parents contemplating kids soccer, START! JOIN UP! ENROL! Whatever tickles your fancy.

Start before you’re ready.

Don’t wait for the perfect time. Don’t wait until you’ve thought it through. Don’t wait until the stars have aligned with your horoscope or any other form of mambo jumbo.

Stop thinking, tossing and turning and dive into the world game with both feet. I can still hear you,

“I’m getting ready to start!” Ready? No need to get ready, wack on the boots.

“I’m waiting to get fit!” I’m also waiting for Santa Claus. Fitness comes from playing, not waiting.

“I’m starting in 2 months!” This sounds like a serious case of Soccrastination.

The longer you wait. The longer you plan. The longer you soccrastinate, the more time you have to talk yourself out of it.

The status quo loves it when you hesitate, when you wait for the right time. When is the right time anyway?

Like I’ve mentioned above, just start. When you start, the Soccer Gods will smile upon you. Great things will happen when you start. You open yourself to a world of opportunity, friends, health and that elusive manager holding a million dollar contract.

The enemy here is not Soccer. It’s not difficult to play the game. The enemy is soccrastination.

When you finally think you’re ready, trust me, it’s too late, the moment has passed. If you need a reminder, here it is, tick, tick, tick! The Wonder years are just that, years.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

Let’s start today’s post with a little musical. A few verses from one of my favorite songs, “Cats in the Cradle”, by Cat Stevens.

My child arrive just the other day

He came to the world in the usual way

But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay

He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talking before you knew it and as he grew

He said, “I’m going be like you, Dad,

You know I’m gonna be like you”.

Great singing.

The father son relationship is a bond that could save the world from any evil; make you feel untouchable, even invincible. I’ve had these powers all my life and give credit, love and respect to the greatest man in this world, my father.

But here’s something we learnt together when I was a little toadster.

Never pay or bribe your child to play soccer. If you need to, give them an allowance independent of the game. Allowing your child to have a little pocket money is a great way to teach them responsibilities. Responsibilities with the moula also known as money.

By linking money to soccer, parents turn soccer into a reward, which clearly sends the wrong message. What happens if you stopped paying or bribing your child to play?

That’s right, they will lose interest and quit the game.

In the absence of reward, soccer loses its shine and appeal to the young fragile mind. It turns soccer into a financial transaction, not the beautiful world game.

I can remember on a beautiful late summers afternoon being promised certain goods for effort and discipline. New boots, new shin guards and even new computer games were promised in return for a little blood, sweat and tears.

On completion of training, and let me add, friggin hard training, the gifts were exchanged.

The good ol days.

But what eventuated soon after nearly put an end to my soccer journey. Being young, naïve and to some extent greedy, the rewards needed to increase in value. What started as a new pair of socks turned into a new pair of shin guards. The shin guards manifested into boots and my father’s pockets did seem very deep at the time.

Training became intense as I developed and the grand prize awaited me.

Back in the 80’s I was one of the first kids to own the legendary Intellivision. For those that don’t remember, it was the gaming unit that competed with Atari for gaming supremacy. The graphics included sticks hitting a dot across the screen while the same sticks could double up as cars in the blockbuster game Auto-Racing. Technology has definitely come a long way.

After the acquisition of the best gaming unit money could buy, the rewards or bribes stopped. There was nothing left to buy. A car would’ve been nice but at the age of 6, I don’t think so.

The year I received the gaming unit I quit the game for a short period of time. Okay, until the games became boring and I wanted to return to soccer. Some how my father knew this all along and allowed me to quit only to return after begging for weeks to play again.

So the moral of the story is this, even if money is no object, you simply cannot afford to pay your child to play soccer.

And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon

Little boy blue and the man in the moon

When you comin home, Son, I don’t know when,

But we’ll get together then Dad,

We’re gonna have a good time then.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

For the little soccer warriors that are too young to read this, I beg you, the loving parent to pass on this message.

The carrot has definitely been dangled in front of the soccer community. Inflated pay packets and the media coverage is enough to send any parent around the bend.

What’s the catch?

Kids soccer has become organized chaos with young children as young as 5 running all over the place competing for ball time and their chance to shine in the spotlight. The coaches and wannabes try and harness this chaotic energy while the parents try frantically to control and restore some order.

How do they control chaotic energy? Unless you’re some crazy scientist, you cannot control chaos, especially when it’s organized.

Apart from the usual control methods like yelling, screaming and pointing the finger, parents are evolving into this money hungry beast that specializes in criticism.

Criticism is the act of passing severe judgment and fault finding.

What about constructive criticism? What about it?

For all you delusional parents out there listen up, CRITICISM is not love, far from it. To put it politely it’s a form of hatred. Criticism is uncomfortable and saddening and a guaranteed way of wiping that smile straight of your child’s face.

What?

You don’t like my criticism of you?

Well guess what?

I’m not going to sugar coat your behavior or your intentions to criticize. Criticism, judgment, agitations and constant pressure are exactly why so many young players quit the game.

Constructive my arse!

How do you feel when you get criticized? It could be criticism from your boss, coach, partner or anyone for that matter. Do you feel good about it? Do you embrace it? Even if the criticism is “constructive”, the words still haunt you and the feeling of self worth evaporates quicker than you can restore it.

Then let me ask you this,

If adults with all their experience and wisdom struggle with criticism, why are we subjecting young children to it? The Status Quo suggests that kids will quit the game before they become teenagers. So why are we criticizing these young fragile minds?

Time Out.

Instead of criticism and frustrations lets talk about love. Forget about soccer, contracts and everything else you’ve conjured up for your child.

Love is free and simple, yet so elusive.

Is it wrong to feel a certain way?

Why would it be wrong?

What would happen if you let your child feel a certain way?

How about starting and seeing where that takes your child. If you persist with criticism you become a part of the Status Quo and your child will inevitable become a part of the scrap heap.

Is it wrong to feel important?

What makes you feel important? What makes your child feel important?

Gather around the monitor and I’ll let you in on a little secret. Are you ready for this ground breaking news? Drum roll please.

Talking about what makes you feel important, well, makes you feel important. Try it with your child or players. Take control of your child’s dream and if needed, become selfish. Protect and preserve the love. Become grateful and enjoy the journey.

Being selfish to your child’s emotions should never make you feel guilty. A selfish craving of love is your divine calling, not criticism.

You have 2 choices as a parent.

Your child becomes another statistic and a part of the status quo or you try this new thing I’m talking about, a selfish craving of love.

Try it; your child will love you for it.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

Have you ever seen those parents at Soccer who don’t speak to each other? They’re not fighting or anything, they’re just sad and grumpy.

What about at the movies?

You’re in line to see a show and there are hundreds of teenagers who look like they’ve made boredom and wasting time their life’s work.

Are you like that?

Are you bored, numb and perhaps even cynical?

Let me paint a picture. Do you remember your first training session? Do you remember your first goal? How about your first visit to the movies?

What do you remember?

Could it be excitement? Excitement that strong that it could shatter even the thickest of glass. What about hopes and dreams? Barcelona wasn’t a dream but just a matter of time.

We had not learnt that hope could set us up for the biggest of falls. After years and years of disappointment, confusion and fear comes a profound and fundamental human hope that maybe something nice will happen today.

Will the stars align and bring you luck? Who knows?

Soccer players consciously know there is no magic wand or pill, but they continue to hope for the latest gimmick to buy. Remember, players enter into situations with hope.

“I hope I make the cut”

“I hope I get signed up”

So what’s the point?

Inside every player is a little child, hoping beyond hope that their father will buy Nike or Adidas, instead of Dunlop.

Inside every player is the rebel teenager thinking that maybe, just maybe, this new pair of boots will make me a Superstar.

Inside every soccer mum is a veteran housewife whose husband hasn’t given her anything romantic for the last 3 decades, but still takes her child to training and dares to believe that maybe one day her child will grace the biggest stadiums in the world.

Inside every coach is the best player in the world that didn’t make it.

Inside every father is the treasurer, dreaming of the big payout with calculator in hand. The older he gets, the better he was.

The only thing I really hope to accomplish with this post is this, if you feel scared, shitty or even betrayed, you’re not alone. If you feel like nobody on the soccer field understands what you’re going through, you’re not the first and you definitely will not be the last.

But never lose hope!

This is for all the parents reading this, if your boss asks you to do something you probably wouldn’t respond with, “not today, I’m tired.”

Would you?

Next time your child asks you to play soccer, stop making excuses. Grab the car keys and together, begin your journey to the field of dreams.

Remember hope never leaves you, you abandon it. With Christmas just around the corner, it’s the best gift you could give a child.

Hope you have a merry Christmas.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”