Have you ever wondered why some players command respect from their coaches and team mates while others are virtually ignored? Have you ever wondered why some players will consistently carry out instructions of one coach but only grudgingly do what another coach requests?

Next time you’re at training look around you. You’ll observe this kind of behavior and distinction with 100% certainty. If you take it one step further and watch closely, you’ll observe that some players command respect, loyalty and even admiration while others do not.

Upon further investigation, you’ll notice the players that command respect are not necessarily the best in the team. So what’s going on? What’s the difference? Can we explain this phenomenon and have you ever noticed this in the past?

If you’ve played the game long enough, chances are you’ve experienced the admiration or even the neglect. If you have not, then you’ve probably been playing soccer blindly.

Looking back to my playing days, I received a big serving of admiration from loyal fans and certain coaches. But on the same token I received periods of neglect. So how would I explain this?

Let me start with a bold statement,

“We receive the kind of treatment we think we deserve”

Sounds easy enough doesn’t? But let me explain this with a few examples.

I remember vividly the day I scored the winner in the dieing minutes to help get my team promoted. To say I was happy, ecstatic or any other word wouldn’t give that feeling justice.

The admiration, the love, the happiness, the confidence I received for the following months was unbelievable. If there was a cloud 9, I was definitely on it.

So why did I command respect, admiration, love and loyalty? Was it the goal? Or was it my persona, my altered ego or even my thinking that demanded the respect.

After the goal I walked around like I was King. At one stage I thought I was the King and I’m not referring to Elvis. Head high, chest out and a spring in my step like you wouldn’t believe. The only thing that was missing when I paraded around was the “staying alive” soundtrack playing in the background.

Thinking was the key here. I “thought I was this and that”. Believe it or not thinking does make it so. Others see in us what we see in ourselves. When I thought I was King and on top of the world, people treated me accordingly.

Okay, let’s fast forward into the start of the following season. Having partied during the off season, I arrived for pre-season lacking fitness and preparation. To put it politely, I was slightly unfit. No preparation and no fitness only leads to one destination.

Do you know where that is?

It’s called the physio’s bench. Injury killed any chance of me having a solid pre-season. The season starts and the fitness levels have not improved from my off season antics. Having just recovered from injury, unfit and lacking match sharpness the confidence levels were running at a loss. To say I felt inferior or unsuitable to compete would be an understatement.

So what happens next?

Now my thinking has changed from being the King, to feeling inferior. Also all the admiration, respect that I demanded was gone. You can’t hide your feelings and thoughts and any lie, cover up or bluff is so transparent that even a young child could see straight through you.

So what’s my point?

The player, who feels inferior or doesn’t feel important, isn’t! Simple as that!

But when you feel good and think you’re the best, you start to demand that sort of respect. At the end of the day you have to know yourself. Don’t accept your admiration as conclusive evidence that you are in fact, a good player.

So the lesson learnt after 30 years,

To demand respect, admiration as a soccer player, we must think we are important. Through this thinking others will think so too.

How you think determines how you act.

How you act in turn determines how others react to you.

So the choice is yours, admiration or neglect, I know what I’d be thinking.

The title of this post simply means you reap what you sow. When I was at university I studied Physics and a man called Sir Isaac Newton created a law that stated, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Aristotle back in the days asserted that we live in a world governed by law, not chance. So what do you make of all of this? Can you see the connection?

My take on all this is simple and you’ve probably already heard it,

Everything happens for a reason.

Aristotle stated this many many years ago. “Everything happens for a reason, whether or not we know what it is”. He said that every effect has a specific cause or causes. He also explained that every cause or action has an effect of some kind, whether we can see it and whether we like it or not.

Simply put, everything is a result of direct and indirect effects or results of specific causes or actions. So what does this mean for us soccer players and coaches? This simply means that if you can be clear about the result you want, you can probably achieve it. As I’ve stated many times and will continue to talk about it, study players or coaches who have achieved what you want and do exactly what they did. Can you get the same results? Why not? Your both human aren’t you?

Before I continue let me clear a myth that angers me every time it comes up in discussion. Great soccer players don’t become great or superstars because they are lucky. Being successful is not a miracle, you have to earn it. Remember, everything happens for a reason, good or bad, positive or negative.

Let me ask you this again,

Do you know what you want out of soccer?

When you are absolutely clear and determined about what you want from soccer, only then can you achieve it.

All religions, philosophies, physics, thoughts, theories and psychology are based on this principle. To simplify the principle into one sentence, it would read like this,

“You become what you think about most of the time”.

What happens when suddenly you lose your form and your performances start to slip? For starters you lose your confidence and your belief. The question is this, are you the same player? Are you the same person? Of course you are!

It is not what happens to you but how you think about what happens to you that determine how you feel and react. It is not your coach, your team or the opposition that dictates your circumstance or your conditions. This is entirely up to you. You create the conditions in your life. Stop making excuses for yourself and pointing the finger, simply start to think.

Looking back when I played this could have helped me a great deal. When things went bad I was always quick to point the finger and play the role of the victim. It never occurred to me back then that my reaction to these situations was indeed the problem.

At the end of the day, everyone is free to choose. No one forces you to play soccer, unless you’re a minor that has a demanding dad. No one forces you to behave the way you do or to feel the way that you do. You choose your emotions and behaviors by the way you choose to think about your situation and what is happening to you. Notice the word think?

When you score a goal, your attitude and confidence immediately rises and you feel fantastic. The euphoria makes you feel great and this feeling gets shared amongst your team mates. But what happens when you get benched or dropped from the team? You immediately become upset, angry and short tempered, even if the decision to drop you was right.

So the take home message for the day is this,

Interpret things for yourself and react accordingly. Just a simpler way of saying, whatsoever a man soweth, that also shall reap.

Once in a while stand back and look into your situation or problem and Think.

If you can do this everything else will fall into place.

Do you have a coaching philosophy? Have you put pen to paper and actually developed your coaching philosophy? If you have, fantastic, great start. Are you upholding your coaching philosophy throughout the season?

For those of you that asked, “what’s a coaching philosophy?’ I’m glad you asked. A coaching philosophy reflects the standards you set for yourself and your team and it gives birth to your coaching values and belief. Before you decide to call yourself a soccer coach, make sure you’ve established your coaching philosophy.

Calling yourself a coach without a coaching philosophy is like driving a car without a license or embarking on a road trip without your trusty melways. The importance of a coaching philosophy is that it keeps you on track when things go wrong and helps keep the angry parents at a safe distance during the season.

But just a word of warning, even with a coaching philosophy penciled in and firmly placed, this does not guarantee you anything as a coach. The difficulty begins when you need to enforce it or adhere to it. Let’s use some examples to illustrate these difficulties shall we….

A few disgruntled parents approach you and question why the team is not winning more games. You quickly refer to your philosophy that states that winning is not as important as player development while you simultaneously wipe the sweat off your forehead.

John’s dad questions why the lesser skilled kids are receiving as much playing time as the team’s best players. You refer back to your philosophy that states that all players will receive the same amount of playing time irrespective of their abilities.

The presence of your coaching philosophy eliminates any surprises throughout the season. Explaining your soccer philosophy to the parents before the season commences eliminates any unnecessary headaches and provides answers to most questions that might arise during the season.

Your coaching philosophy is extremely important. Don’t just put pen to paper, really concentrate and put the necessary time in. In the long run, your coaching philosophy will reflect not only who you are as a coach, but also as a person. Lead your players in the right direction and instill values and beliefs that you want your own children to have. If you can accomplish this, your team will be champions irrespective of their win-loss ratio. Put things in perspective, coaching soccer at junior level is not the bigger picture is it?

If I was coaching, my philosophy would read,

The coaching staff of Soccer Mastermind FC understand that your children play soccer because it’s fun.

Here at Soccer Mastermind FC, we never forget that the game of soccer is just that, a game. It’s not about the win-loss ratio and its definitely not about the trophies. It’s all about enjoying the game while simultaneously learning and developing soccer and life skills.

It’s about sharing and playing in different positions so that all the players learn the necessary skills. It’s about receiving equal playing time irrespective of playing ability.

It’s about learning the game through a variety of fun games, where players have as much contact with the ball as possible and develop and learn at their own pace without pressure.

Parents are involved and encouraged to applaud, praise and show their appreciation while fetching the balls.

If parents are given this at the start of the season and agree to it, everyone involved will have a great season irrespective of the league ladder.

The real truth and the lesson I’m constantly drumming out of this site is that there is only one person responsible for your soccer success. Don’t hesitate to guess, let’s hear them. Is it the coach? Is it your manager? Is it your parents? The only person responsible for your success in soccer is you. That reflection that stares back at you when you look into the monitor while reading this, that’s right, that person is you.

If you want that elusive contract, want to play seniors or just simply want to improve your game, you need to take responsibility for everything that you have experienced so far. This includes your fitness levels, your strength, your motivation, your skills and the list goes on. Can you do it? Can you make yourself accountable and 100% responsible for all your soccer failures and successes?

It’s not easy is it? Everybody and I mean everybody has been conditioned through experiences to blame someone or something. When things go wrong, we blame our parents, our coaches, our supporters, our friends, our partner, the weather and most times the playing surface. Right there is a great snapshot of my soccer career. Always making excuses or blaming someone else. The truth is we never want to look at where the real problem is. The sad thing is you don’t even need to search for the problem because most of the times it’s you. Sounds harsh doesn’t it, but prove me wrong.

Do you really want to become that soccer player you’ve dreamt of? Are you willing to pay the ultimate price to get there? If you want to become that star player, the next Ronaldo, then you are going to have to take 100% responsibility for your life. This means giving up all your excuses, all those injury stories, all the reasons why you can’t, why you haven’t and all those outside influences and circumstances. You have to give them up forever. Can you do this? Sorry if I laugh because I don’t believe you.

What position are you in?

“I play midfield” you insist.

That’s not the position I’m talking about. You have to take the position that you have always had the power to take. To make things different, to practice and get it right, to score goals and get the desired results. Why haven’t you taken this position or stance already? Could it be that you’re scared? Could it be that you’re just a pretender with big pipe dreams?

For whatever reason you chose not to exercise that power. Who knows why? Only you do! But that doesn’t matter. The past is the past and it makes for a great sob story. Wait let me get some tissues for you. All that matters now is that from this point forward you choose, that’s right it’s a choice to take 100% responsibility for everything that happens to you during your soccer journey.

So next time you get benched, don’t make the squad, get delisted, you will ask yourself,

• Why did this happen?
• What was I thinking?
• What was I lacking?
• What did I say or not say?
• How did I get the coach to act that way?
• What do I need to do differently next time?

Can you see and feel the difference? It’s always about you, not someone else.

Blaming someone or something is a waste of time. No matter how much fault or blame you have for someone else and regardless how much you blame him, it will not change you or your situation. Concentrate on the I’s and the rest will fall into place.