Courtesy of some psychology literature that was written in the late 70’s.

After blowing some old dust from this little gem, I continued to read and couldn’t help relate some of these behaviours to youth soccer.

Lets begin.

Self-esteem is often seen as something that players have or don’t have. Where having self-esteem is a great thing and leads to good things, while lacking it leads to bad things or failures.

What do you think?

Personally, this couldn’t be further from the truth. This belief, myth or hypothesis comes from a very limited view of how self-esteem works and how self-esteem is developed.

Self-esteem is not something we give to players by telling them how good they are.

“You’re great at shooting”

“You’re the best player in your age group”

“My son is the best player in the team.”

The belief that self-esteem can be passed on to young players is the reason WHY WE LIE TO OUR CHILDREN.

We exaggerate positives or good behaviour and sugar coat all the negatives whilst lying about inadequate performances or effort. Sound familiar?

The parents worst fear (and to some extent coaches) is that negative feedback or criticism will destroy a player’s self-esteem. It’s as though we’ve bought into some secret society or bullshit theory in which players require constant success to feel good about themselves.

God behold if something went wrong or your child didn’t get a jersey. Constant attempts to boost players EGO’s instead of boosting their efforts is a sure recipe for disaster and the status quo proves it.

Why hide their deficiencies?

Why hide their weaknesses?

How about we help them overcome their weaknesses and try to reinforce EFFORT and HARD WORK to overcome these obstacles instead of teaching them to hide through the bullshit feedback.

What message do we give our players/children when we give them sugar coated feedback and praise?

The message is clear if you ask me!

We tell them that having ability and winning is the most important thing and anything short of this needs to be hidden and even buried to protect the self-esteem.

Before I continue let me add this, praise, encouragement and sugar coated feedback “WORKS” in most cases. Telling your child/players they’re the best sure makes them feel good and it definitely adds a few inches to their self-esteem.

But at what cost?

Sugar coating or lying leads to a type of self-esteem that I despise, the type we call ENTITLEMENT, sigh!

There is nothing more destructive than easy drills and exaggerated praise for minor effort. What benefit, if any, does this create?

It creates players that will quit the game in despair because they feel entitled to all that soccer has to offer without the blood, sweat and tears.

When will these players learn about the elbow grease or the significance of clenched teeth?

An entitled self-esteem is a recipe for anger, disappointment, failure and inevitably self-doubt.

What happens to these players after all the sugar coating and the lies dry up? What happens to these players when there is no one there to praise them? What happens when soccer throws a spanner into the works? Do these entitled; artificially sweetened players have the equipment, balls and thick skin to proceed?

God help us if they get injured, rejected or benched.

After years of lies and exaggerated praise how do these players respond to adversity? How can they possibly know what to do when they have never confronted their weaknesses?

You’d think most parents would recognise that anything worthwhile would require and involve failed attempts, heartache and tears.

What’s wrong with making mistakes, tackling your weaknesses or even losing?

How about instructing from the heart and with a different framework. A framework where EFFORT and challenges are expected and ENJOYED, while setbacks, weaknesses and losses are seen as informative and challenging.

Your child can handle the truth, the question is, CAN YOU?

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

If you don’t know what to do, and you’re scared, might as well panic.

Will this help?

Getting scared, fearing the worst, mismanaging your imagination seems to be the first rule of being a member of the human race. Why would soccer players be any different?

It seems in soccer and in life, panicking is an acceptable substitute for clear thinking, planning and taking action. I remember watching anxious players in the dressing room blame the players that were calm and not panicking.

“Don’t you care?”
“Liven up; this is a big game for us”
“Can’t you see that we’re all gonna lose”
“C’mon we need this or else”

Let me quickly explain something. There’s huge pressure on players, managers and clubs to panic. I know what you’re thinking, I’ve lost it.

If for no other reason, players should panic, they should panic as a sign that they care, that they are taking things seriously. That they’re not wasting their time or the time of the loyal supporters.

Let me add this, referring to anxiety and panic attacks as caring really takes the edge off. So next time your nervous, quickly shrug it off as caring.

This process is called decision making. It’s your choice how you deal with your own pre-match emotions. But remember this; more time does not create better decisions. Let the truth be said that more time decreases the quality of the decision.

More encouragement or information might help, but more time without more information just creates anxiety, not insight.

Learn to be decisive! Deciding quickly frees up your most valuable asset, time, so you can concentrate on the game ahead of you.

What happens if, starting from now, you make every decision as soon as you start to panic?  That you decide to convert this emotion into a positive thought, like caring. How would you react to pre-match nerves then? Would it be a good thing to care about your supporters? Bloody oath it would!

So the take home message for today is,

“If you have to panic, so be it, at least it shows you care”.

Let’s be honest, both you and I know this kind of encouragement doesn’t really work. Those soothing words from our coach might settle us down for that split second but the reality is that it does not eliminate our fears or even help build our confidence. For anyone that is not convinced, fear is real. It exists and plays havoc with player’s minds just before a big game.

Suggesting that fear is part of your imagination will not help the slightest. In order to conquer fear or pre match nerves we need to be able to acknowledge it. Recognition is the only way we can conquer our fears.

Most fear associated with soccer today is psychological. Gone are the days where players feared for their safety due to overzealous supporters or hooligans. So you might ask, “What do soccer players fear”?

Do these symptoms sound familiar? Stress, tension, embarrassment, nerves or even in extreme cases panic attacks. These are all symptoms of fear. But simply acknowledging fear will not help ease the symptoms or its effect on you as a player. Fear is the product of mismanaged negativity. For starters stop your imagination and control it. Why would you conjure up negative outcomes just before a game or training?

I hope I don’t make a mistake.
I hope I’m fitter than my direct opponent.
I hope I don’t mark their number 10.
I hope, I hope, I hope.

All the symptoms of fear stem from mismanaged, negative imagination. Makes sense doesn’t it. Why would you predict or foresee negative outcomes or results. Why would you allow your imagination to create fear that does not exist? Unless you’re a psychic or can predict the future, why would you dream up failure? Do you want to feel the crippling force of fear? I doubt it very much.

Listening to your coach that suggests it’s only in your head would imply that fear does not exist. But I’m here to tell you that it does! Fear is real. Fear prevents players from capitalizing on opportunities. Fear weakens you and wears down physical vitality. Fear if left unattended makes players sick. Fear closes your mouth when you want to speak or scream out in frustration.

Fear, uncertainty, lack of confidence explains why so many players quit the game before they become teenagers. Fear explains why millions, that’s right, millions achieve very little and enjoy very little in soccer.
Fear is a powerful force that could even cripple the most physically gifted player. Fear is the number reason why players don’t get what they want from the game of soccer.

So how can we overcome fear? Fear must be acknowledged and given the respect it deserves. Fear should be treated like an infection, a psychological infection, an infection capable of clipping our wings and grounding us for life.

What happens when you become sick or have a body infection? You seek medical advice and cure it using proven treatments. A psychological infection can be treated the same way with proven treatments. Why are so many players displaying the symptoms of fear or psychological infection? Surely a coach with any stature is able to diagnose a player that is suffering from fear. Then my next question is, why the neglect?

First, though, let’s establish a basic principle. All confidence is acquired and developed. No one is born with confidence or nerves of steel. Even the greatest players in the world had to obtain their confidence one piece at a time. Did they need to overcome their fears; you bet your last dollar they had to.

Players that radiate confidence, who have conquered their fears and are relaxed before a match acquired this state. It was never given to them for Christmas or for their birthday, they had to earn it. Can you do the same, absolutely?

When faced with fear, we get mired with the problem until we take action. Hoping the feeling of fear will subside is a start, but hope requires action and dedication. Put the action principle to work. Next time you experience fear, steady yourself. Ask the necessary questions. You cannot fool yourself or run away from yourself can you? Search for the answers to those fearful questions or scenarios. What kind of action can I take to free me of this fear?

Isolate your fear and take the appropriate action. Pin it down and determine exactly what it is you’re afraid of. Then counter your fear with action and solutions. Remember hesitation only enlarges and magnifies the problem so make sure you’re honest and decisive. The quicker you tackle your fears the quicker you’ll be relieved of the symptoms.

Soccer like any other sport has a positive and a negative side. Our competitive nature which strives for perfection can be seen as a positive. But for every positive, there must be a negative. While players strive to become the best (positive), many players that don’t succeed will start to show negative attributes. These attributes come in the form of cheating, becoming a bad loser, fighting amongst team mates and if left unattended will manifest into provocation, verbal and physical abuse. Have you ever seen a player spit on his direct opponent?

So how do we use our competitive nature to our advantage? Do we focus our competitiveness towards our opposition? This is clearly better than competing amongst your team mates isn’t?

The only problem with directing your competitiveness towards your opposition is that your opponent or opposition will dictate how you feel. This is not a good thing! Let’s use a few scenarios to illustrate this.

Your playing the bottom team and your team is clearly superior. You end up winning the match 3-0  and your individual performance was sensational. How do you feel? The chances are you feel fantastic, full of confidence and you start to dream of winning the league. Sound familiar? But what happens when the team you are playing is superior? You feel a sense of defeat and become deflated while simultaneously losing all your confidence and self-esteem as the score board reads 3-0 at half time. Surely this one sounds familiar? So how do we deal with defeat?

If the score board reads 3-0 at half time this will inevitably take your mind off what you are trying to achieve in Soccer or simply why you play the game. The score line will also make you fear your opponent, create anxiety and create an avalanche of pressure that will eventually break you. Remaining focused and relaxed is impossible as you continually chase your opponents shadow.

Can you see the problem? When you direct your competitiveness towards your direct opponent or opposition, the way you feel and perform is dictated by your opponent. Why would you ever want to do this? If you continue to direct your competitiveness towards your opponent guess what will happen in the long run? You will start to select your opponents at training and even line up against the weaker players in a match. Why? The answer is simple, you want to ensure that you finish the match a winner. You want to feel confident and you would like to place another secure layer around your ego.

Choosing opponents or becoming the “Big Fish in a small pond” is the best way to guarantee failure. If you are guilty of doing this, stop it right now. Don’t play against weaker opponents if you have a choice. Test yourself, stretch yourself and try to play against better players. Playing against better players is the only way to significantly improve your soccer performance. If you spent a year training at Arsenal with Arsene Wegner you would become a better player than if you were the best player in your local team. Even if you were the worst player at Arsenal the benefits would easily surpass that of the local team. Can you see the bigger picture?

Winners or players that have set soccer goals avoid the pain associated with poor performance and defeat. They use performance and defeat as a challenge and a way of keeping themselves motivated. They push themselves and create new, higher levels of soccer performance. Don’t be afraid of someone that is better than you, learn from them and compete against them. Eventually you will become just like them. You can only improve by playing against better players even if you suffer more defeats than victories.

The best bit of advice I can offer is this, enjoy the challenge and really test your capabilities. Enjoy the challenge of seeing how good YOU CAN BE! Always compete against yourself in order to be the best you can be. By doing this you eliminate any negative pressure and allow yourself to play freely. When you suffer defeat, you will be gracious and will be grateful as your opponent provides you with a measuring tool to study your own progress.

At the end of the day all pressure is Self Imposed. Taking a penalty kick in the park is exactly the same as taking a penalty kick in the world cup. Same distance, same goal dimension and the same ball dynamics. The pressure is in your mind, you create it.

Next time you’re at training, take your competitive nature and apply it. Step up and mark the best player, take responsibility and have self belief in your own playing ability. If you do not improve, build confidence and practice against the best, you’ll never win anything.

To perform at your peak you need to be physically strong, have a high level of fitness, be flexible and be conditioned for 90 minutes of battle. So that covers half the requirements of Soccer, what is the other half? Soccer is just as much a mental game as it is a physical game. Don’t underestimate the power of soccer psychology.

Players consistently deal with high and lows. The roller coaster ride of life influences everyone not just soccer players. It’s how quickly you pick yourself back up that makes all the difference. Poor performance, a lack of form or injuries are enough to break any player. If you want to get ahead of the game and surpass the many other players that have stumbled at conquering soccer, you should spend as much time training your mind as you do your body.

The great players in the world have learnt to manage stress, anxiety, fear and other psychological aspects of the game. Learn how to harness the power of the mind and you will excel faster than your team mates who just focus on the mechanics of soccer.

Players that dream of playing professionally train with the ball every day. But how many of these players imagine this or visualise themselves playing for a big club? How many players use mental imagery to sharpen their game and to improve their skills. It would be a safe bet to assume that less than 5% actually do this consistently. Out of the millions of kids playing soccer each year, only 6% will continue playing into their teens. Further research suggests that only 3% actually fulfill their dreams of playing soccer professionally. Could soccer psychology be the missing link?

This might sound far fetched, but the use of mental imagery has more importance than soccer training itself. Don’t get me wrong, both are extremely important and both go hand in hand. But the difference is that every player trains with their clubs and some even train on their own, but how many kids, players are using visualisation.

Visualisation can be carried out in 2 ways. External visualisation is when you watch yourself playing, like on TV or as a supporter sitting in the stands. Internal visualisation is when you imagine yourself playing and doing it yourself. You are actually on the ground and breathing heavy, sweating and chasing your opponent. These techniques help you familiarise yourself with the tasks at hand. So when you actually experience these situations, you could successfully complete your tasks in your sleep or with both your hands tied behind your back. Mentally you have completed these tasks a million times in your head. Everyone knows what they say about repetition and practice.

Big clubs like Manchester United, Liverpool, Juventus and Milan employ soccer psychologists. Why do you think they do this? Do they just want to add another person to the pay roll, I don’t think so. They employ these professionals because sports psychology works and is the difference between good clubs and clubs that win the league and champions league.

Soccer academies that specialise in Kids Soccer, have witnessed kids with inconsistent technique utilize visualization to become more dependable players. Soccer psychologists help you discipline your mind to perform at your potential. Its not a magic potion, but it gives you every chance to play at your maximum, at your potential and gives you every chance to succeed.

Before The Game

Every player gets nervous before a game. This is very common but if it leads to anxiety than you are going to encounter problems. Anxiety effects your thinking and leads to negativity. Controlling your anxiety will allow you to become confident and will allow you to perform to your potential. Allow yourself some time to relax before a game and you will find yourself being less stressed

How many kids do you see at training with great technical ability only to look like a baby learning to walk on match day? They get so worked up during match day and make mistakes when the pressure is on. They resemble someone suffering from anxiety with all the indecision and hesitation. With the use of visualization this tension can be released and the energy saved can be used to perform on match day.

Start the path to Immortality

Soccer psychologists also emphasis the use of goals. You must set yourself short term and long term goals. This will give you the added motivation needed to excel. If you don’t have any goals, its easy to get discouraged and consider quitting.

Do not set impossible goals. But challenge yourself and force yourself out of your comfort zone. Challenging yourself is the only way to consistently improve. We see it time and time again, kids with goals advance more quickly then their team mates who are lacking in goals and motivation.

Use the Force

Its very easy to get distracted during a soccer match. To become a great player you need to concentrate and focus on whats happening within the chalked lines. If you master the mental game of soccer, half the battle is won. You can reduce anxiety, stress, negativity and make soccer a more enjoyable experience.

Mental training and visualisation are extremely important. By practicing these methods you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. This could be the difference between you being a “has been” or you gracing every newspaper in the world. Its your choice.

I’ll finish up with a quote from Master Yoda

Do or do not, there is no try. That is why you fail.