All young players are amazed and at times hypnotized by the glitz and glam of the big clubs. Most players would give up their prized possessions for a chance to play in these leagues.

My question is this,

All dream about it, but how many players know how to ask for it?

More importantly, do you know how to ask for it? If your goal is to play professionally, do you know how to request this?

Are you scratching your head?

Well, that is the truth.

Most young players don’t know how to ask for what they want.

Do you agree?

Not sure?

Then answer this,

Has anyone taught you the art of making an effective request? Just a complex way of saying, do you know how to ask for something.

Communication skills like asking are not taught in school or at work and I can assure you there not taught at home.

Most young players with lofty dreams wouldn’t know where to begin. They don’t know what is available and they definitely need guidance for the path to stardom is not clear, yet.

The funny thing is this, if our parents didn’t teach us, if we didn’t learn it in school, how are we supposed to ask for it.

Without a shadow of a doubt we all have desires, dreams and ambitions, but how do we ask for help, guidance or even advice.

When I was growing up I was taught lessons such as,

“It’s better to give than to receive.”

I was also taught that it was a sign of weakness to ask for help. That if I kept my mouth shut I didn’t run the risk of getting hurt or disappointed.

The Parent Factor

Believe it or not, I was conditioned by my parents not to ask.

Was it intentional?

But before you shake your head in disbelief, let me illustrate with an example.

When I was young my Godfather used to give me money. My parents would always yell out don’t take it and some how I was supposed to resist. It felt like a game. My parents would say don’t take it while my Godparents would say take it.

My actions would say no, no, no but inside of me I really wanted that money, who wouldn’t as a youngster, right?

So what would happen next?

My godfather would force it into my pocket and the emotional roller coaster was over. No one asked me what I wanted. I was never given the option of asking for money and like most of my friends at the time, were seen not heard.

Many of us grew up in homes where what we wanted was ignored, too expensive or even put down. Our wants and desires were not important because our parents had already mapped out our path whether we liked it or not. We were not given choices, asked or even given preferences.

Sound familiar?

Schools Out For Summer

Remember those old wooden desks with the fold out tops that allowed you to store your apples in them. A quick glance down at the desk would reveal carvings by past students and the year they claimed ownership of this piece of history.

Did the teachers at school teach you how to ask?

If you had the guts to put your hand up to ask something chances are you were labeled “teachers pet” and blacklisted from all the cool kids. Did you ever put your hand up? Everybody wants to be a part of the cool kids, right?

Did you ever ask for help from your classmates without being accused of cheating or being slow or retarded? Did the class ever tell you to stop asking stupid questions?

So how would you ask for something?

What’s that?

You don’t know!

This is one of the main reasons why so many kids will quit the game before they become teenagers. They don’t have the ability to ask for things. Young players have been conditioned not to ask. As a result of this, they no longer participate and lose interest.

Does this sound like you?

Are you afraid of rejection?

Are you afraid of looking stupid and being hurt by others?

Fear Is Not Real, unless, you’re being chased by a man yielding a large knife going by the name of Jason and wearing a hockey mask.

Do you know what fear is?

The dictionary states “a painful emotion or passion excited by the expectation of evil or the apprehension of impeding danger; apprehension; anxiety; solicitude; alarm and dread.

Believe it or not, only your mind can produce fear. Fear that is produced in the mind causes you to become passive as a player. Can you improve and develop your game by being passive?

Once this fear sets in you settle for less and start to watch and pass judgment on the players who are getting what you really want. You don’t have the courage to ask and you start to consume all your energies in hiding and trying not to make mistakes.

You cannot improve without practice and without making mistakes. Remember the greatest players in the world continue to make mistakes and continue to learn. The more mistakes they make, the better the player they become.

So start making mistakes. Be the first to volunteer for training drills and get out there and practice. If you’re looking for soccer success, just ask for it!

Tennis players hit balls until the swing becomes automatic and the racket becomes part of the arm. The over weight, tattooed, smoking, drinking men of the pubs can hit the bulls eye with their eyes closed.

Fitness instructors create a lean body with body fat percentages that would scare most gym enthusiasts. Iron men defy all science and complete distances that would take an ordinary person a week to complete.

Jet fighter pilots can withstand g-forces that would crush our lungs and live to tell another story. Formula One drivers take corners at a blink of the eye.

Mothers give birth, feed, protect and love their young ones for the rest of their lives. Plants soak up the carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and replace it with oxygen.

Monks meditate and seek the internal freedom that evades us all. Trees reach for the stars while the sun cuts the day in half.

Evolution continues to evolve leaving behind a trail of inefficiencies and hard luck stories. Communism worked until freedom became a choice.

Forgetful people are destined to remember while alcoholics will try and drown their sorrows.

What about you?

What’s your story?

Fill in the gaps if you dare!

A soccer player, soccer parent and/or a soccer coach is a ……..

Everybody has a story to tell, I’m all ears.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

Chelsea has just taken out the English Premiership and broken Manchester United strangle hold on the league. Excuse me while I breathe a sigh of relief and celebrate as a faithful Liverpool supporter. Wait for it, Liverpool is still the greatest team in English History, you beauty.

Sorry, needed to release that.

Since all the talk is about winning and success, let me ask you this.

How do you know when you’re successful?

Is it the trophies collecting dust?

Is it the number of premierships or league titles?

What about individual achievements, medals or accolades?

Could it be scoring goals or clean sheets?

Could it be as simple as fun, the magnitude of smiles and the percentage of players returning for pre-season?

A better question might be, who defines soccer success?

Is it the coach?

Is it the parents?

Surely it’s not you, the individual?

The point is this, the majority of time we let others define our soccer and our definition of success.

Read that again.

How absurd does it sound?

But tell me it’s not true.

The young player that looks up to the coach in desperate search for love, approval or a simple pat on the back.

The parent that seeks recognition and praise for their genetic masterpiece and to be told their nursing the next superstar.

The coach that desperately wants to be accepted by all parents and to keep the waters calm.

So the question still stands, how do you know when you’re successful? What are your expectations?

A conservative estimate would suggest that 80% of kids playing soccer today are unhappy.

Do you know why?

Unrealistic expectations from parents.

Unrealistic expectations from coaches.

How about you try this one on for size, realistic expectations from you. That’s right, you!

Make sure to set your own goals and keep your own promises.

Lately I’ve noticed a big spike in traffic and a lot of people searching Google for the term “kids soccer.” That’s fantastic that people are on the lookout for information, books and literature on the game. You need to be thirsty for information and knowledge. You need to think and question everything.

They say curiosity killed the cat. But I wonder what came first, curiosity or success? Keep training and searching for that edge. With thirst comes success.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

For the little soccer warriors that are too young to read this, I beg you, the loving parent to pass on this message.

The carrot has definitely been dangled in front of the soccer community. Inflated pay packets and the media coverage is enough to send any parent around the bend.

What’s the catch?

Kids soccer has become organized chaos with young children as young as 5 running all over the place competing for ball time and their chance to shine in the spotlight. The coaches and wannabes try and harness this chaotic energy while the parents try frantically to control and restore some order.

How do they control chaotic energy? Unless you’re some crazy scientist, you cannot control chaos, especially when it’s organized.

Apart from the usual control methods like yelling, screaming and pointing the finger, parents are evolving into this money hungry beast that specializes in criticism.

Criticism is the act of passing severe judgment and fault finding.

What about constructive criticism? What about it?

For all you delusional parents out there listen up, CRITICISM is not love, far from it. To put it politely it’s a form of hatred. Criticism is uncomfortable and saddening and a guaranteed way of wiping that smile straight of your child’s face.

What?

You don’t like my criticism of you?

Well guess what?

I’m not going to sugar coat your behavior or your intentions to criticize. Criticism, judgment, agitations and constant pressure are exactly why so many young players quit the game.

Constructive my arse!

How do you feel when you get criticized? It could be criticism from your boss, coach, partner or anyone for that matter. Do you feel good about it? Do you embrace it? Even if the criticism is “constructive”, the words still haunt you and the feeling of self worth evaporates quicker than you can restore it.

Then let me ask you this,

If adults with all their experience and wisdom struggle with criticism, why are we subjecting young children to it? The Status Quo suggests that kids will quit the game before they become teenagers. So why are we criticizing these young fragile minds?

Time Out.

Instead of criticism and frustrations lets talk about love. Forget about soccer, contracts and everything else you’ve conjured up for your child.

Love is free and simple, yet so elusive.

Is it wrong to feel a certain way?

Why would it be wrong?

What would happen if you let your child feel a certain way?

How about starting and seeing where that takes your child. If you persist with criticism you become a part of the Status Quo and your child will inevitable become a part of the scrap heap.

Is it wrong to feel important?

What makes you feel important? What makes your child feel important?

Gather around the monitor and I’ll let you in on a little secret. Are you ready for this ground breaking news? Drum roll please.

Talking about what makes you feel important, well, makes you feel important. Try it with your child or players. Take control of your child’s dream and if needed, become selfish. Protect and preserve the love. Become grateful and enjoy the journey.

Being selfish to your child’s emotions should never make you feel guilty. A selfish craving of love is your divine calling, not criticism.

You have 2 choices as a parent.

Your child becomes another statistic and a part of the status quo or you try this new thing I’m talking about, a selfish craving of love.

Try it; your child will love you for it.

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”

Do you find value in questions?

How’s your soccer career going?

Is it going well and will you achieve your goals?

Do you think you have room for improvements?

If you were to pick one area to improve, what would it be?

Would you commit to it?

Would you even write it down?

The path less traveled has been mapped out for you, will you explore it?

Why don’t you train?

Could it be laziness or fear?

Could it be lack of faith or motivation?

Do you need a wake up call or a gentle kick in the balls?

Have you surrendered to the status quo?

Will you be just another statistic or will you rise to dizzy heights and newfound stardom?

What’s that?

Are you sure?

I’ve never heard that excuse before did you make it up?

In the past 2 months how many hours have you committed to training?

That’s what I thought; did you expect a different result?

Have you heard the saying, no pain no gain?

You have?

How is watching television painful?

What excuse have you conjured up today?

Do you find comfort in excuses?

Do you think your goals are realistic?

Of course everyone wants to play in the Premiership, who doesn’t?

Have you written your goals down?

Have you scheduled extra training sessions?

Are you paying the price?

Do you honestly think you’re going to make it if you don’t put in?

You don’t?

Then why the long face?

Surely you’re not surprised?

What’s that?

Sounds like another excuse doesn’t it?

Can you hear that?

Tick, tick, tick, it sounds like your running out of time, do you have any questions before I leave?

“May the winds of destiny blow you to the stars.”